The gadget that was your child's every wish in November became a reality in December. It is now the New Year and you can see that that this gadget is not just another toy. It has already changed your relationship with your child and issues are coming up that make the old rules and consequences seem outdated. What to do? Well, before you made the big purchase, you looked at the Buying Guide. Now it's time to look at the "BOUGHT IT GUIDE".

Buyers Remorse

Oh how quickly things change! The gadget that was going to solve all problems just became the problem, and likely not the problem you anticipated.

Here are some possible scenarios:
- The 16GB iPod was supposed to be an 8GB iPhone: You bought the wrong gadget, yikes!
- You bought the right gadget for the family budget and not the one of your child's dreams.
- The Obsolete Factor: A new model was released in January.

These are choppy waters for families: parents feel like they have an ungrateful child; and, kids feel overwhelmed by disappointment. This dynamic presents big challenges to providing kids with the help they need to understand how to manage strong feelings. Rather than taking it personally, this calls for you to have some empathy about the disappointment and to act as a guide by putting things in perspective.

Buy, Buy, Buy

Parents are often caught off guard when they realize that the cost of the gadget is only the beginning. There is a long list of ways that you will be asked to spend more money now that the gadget is your kid’s proud possession.

For example:
- The $200 iPhone is really $1,760 ($200 + the monthly $130 charge for two years).
- Smart gadgets mean unsupervised access to on-line shopping.
- More features (that are often inevitable) mean more money.
- Accessories enhance and protect the equipment but are also expensive.

While the costs add up, so does the possibility of conflict with your child because no parent likes to feel that their sense of generosity is being stretched to its limit. This is a wake-up call for future purchases: remember to do some research into the hidden costs of owning the gadget and to have a conversation establishing policies about who pays for what.

Oh By The Way

The gadget is the 21st century Swiss Army Knife. It has a feature for everything, and, along with it, the potential to do things you don't want your kid to do. Example: The new phone intended only for emergencies with limited minutes is now being used to send text messages underneath the dinner table. Example: The camera used to take inappropriate pictures. Another Example: The video game console allows for “voice chatting” which you don’t want going on in your house.

What can you do?
- Exercise parental due diligence both before and after the gadget has been purchased.
- Use parental controls. (Parental controls need to be used responsibly by adults and not as a substitute for a conversation about rules and limits.)
- Make it clear which features are off limits.

Still, diligence and controls may not be enough: There will be other features that your child will "discover" no matter how careful you may be. Expect creative exploration and pushing the limits. The best defense for parents against “gadget gotcha moments” is for parents to show an attitude of curiosity and to send a clear message that it is always better for your child to come to (sooner than later) to talk about the things that excite them and what they’re discovering. That kind of communication is the best way for you get a sense of when their curiosity and creating exploring may have gone too far.

Bye, Bye Gadget

The obvious often eludes us with gadgets because they can become seemingly indispensable in a short amount of time. In this case the simple proposition is this: the negative dynamics of your child’s relationship with a gadget can be stopped by taking it away. When done thoughtfully, taking the gadget away may give families a break and a second chance to set up realistic rules and consequences if the rules are broken. In sum, a chance to clearly establish the level maturity needed to own the gadget.

Some ground rules, however:
- Do not bribe kids with gadget time.
- Do not hold gadgets over kids’ heads as a threat.
- Take away gadgets only as a last resort.

That said, sometimes, it is necessary to hit the reset button and get everyone back on the same page.

Buy In

It's time to do your part. Buying a gadget for your child also means buying into the fact that there is value in your child owning it.
Find a way to get on your child's side about having the gadget and at the same time promote using it within limits, with caution and good manners.

Some tips:
- Sit down and learn how it works.
- Notice and adjust ways you may be setting a bad example with your gadget use.
- Get involved: Send a text message or play a casual game.

The answer might be as simple as just accepting that it is now a part of your child's life and allowing more of a place for it in your family's routines.

In the end, buying the gadget is the easy part. Now that you bought it, you have to find ways to minimize the conflicts and maximize the benefits. Every generation has their toys that push the limits, but this generation is in the unique position of being the first to experiment with powerful technology tools that change the ways we play, spend our time, gather information and communicate – indeed, change the way we live. This holiday season you paid for the cost of admission now it's time get involved and go along for the ride.